for you lazy folk...
for you lazy folk...
"After work last night, I went to a convenience store to get some gas and pick up the latest issue of Muscle Mustangs & Fast Fords. As I was walking out of the store, I notice a couple of guys and a girl checking out my car. When it was apparent to them that the car was mine, they said, "Nice ride. Is it fast? Where'd you order those snake emblems?"...etc. I said that the car was plenty fast and that the emblems were factory.
At that, I said, "See ya." I opened the car door to leave the place, and just then, one of the guys asks, "You think you can beat my car?". I said, "I dunno. Depends on what you have." I'm thinking he might have a Viper or Z06. He then points toward the end of the parking lot, and the only cars I see down there are two rice-mobiles. One was a white Eclipse and the other was some dark blue Honda with a potato-peeler spoiler in the rear. I said, "Which car is yours?" and he told me the white one. I told him that unless he's running several big-azz bottles of NOS, then yes, I would be able to beat him.
Well, he started in on some line of conversation to the effect that since his was so much lighter than mine and more aerodynamic, and that mine was "plump" and had all these inefficient holes in the front (the grille-less nose as well as the large openings on the bottom of the front fascia). He also noted that he was getting better traction since his tires were skinnier and therefore increased the distributed lbs/sqin. Right then, I knew this guy was a complete idiot.
I let him know that I would probably make him look silly if we raced. He just couldn't accept that. I said, "If you're serious, let's put some money on it. How about $100?" He said he didn't have that kind of money on him, but said I could take his girl for the night if I won, and he would get the $100 if he won. I'm sitting there thinking, "This is the 21st Century for crying out loud...no American college girl is going to have some guy treat her like that." I said, "You don't own her. You can't make a bet like that.". She buts in with the most ridiculous response, "Oh yes he does! I'll go home with the winner."
Within the next few moments, I devised a plan, and I agreed to the race. Now, I'm a married guy and have 3 children...there's no way I'm bringing home a hoochie momma...like, "Hi honey, I'm home! By the way, look what I won today." So we agree to race from the nearest intersection to a bank just up the road a bit (little less than a 1/4 mile). With his friend and girlfriend in the car behind us, we lined up, his buddy honked the horn as a go signal, and we took off. It was absolutely pathetic. In first gear I was pulling away from him, but when 2nd gear hooked, I was wayyyy outta his reach. Hit third, and saw 100mph, passed the bank, and pulled into a parking lot after I was able to get the Cobra slowed down. He drives up, and a bit later his friend arrives. They all get out of their cars, and were dumbfounded. They wanted to see the motor, so I pop the hood and hear them gasp. I'm sitting there with a smirk of pride and say, "That's my baby. Her name is 'Molly'".
After an explanation about the new 03 Cobra, the conversation sorta died off, and they were standing there wondering what to do next. So I said to the girl, "Look, I don't want you, and I really don't want to take you to my house. I mean, my wife might have a difficult time with it and all. But I do want you to get into your boyfriends car, take off your underwear and give them to me.". Then I look at the two guys and say, "Does that sound fair to you guys?" They responded with some nods and a yes. She gets into the car, and after about 10 minutes, gets out fully dressed and holding her undies. I just about lost it when I saw that it was a yellow thong! I tossed them into my car, told everyone goodbye, and sped out of there.
With the Bassani's howling, and a big smile on my face, I made it home just in time to take the kiddos to their ball practices. What a day, I thought...I've got to get some pictures, it was a classic moment."