I finally snagged one!
I looked at several WRXs during my search, and nothing seemed to be working out. Then, when on vacation, I happened upon this one while browsing CarMax's website.
It's a silver 2003 Bugeye, has 46,000 miles, and, in my personal opinion, it looks fantastic.
CarMax has a 5-day money-back guarantee where if, after you purchase it, you decide you don't want it, you can take it back for a full refund. My 5 days are up at midnight, so this thing is mine now whether I like it or not. Don't worry, I like it quite a bit. After driving it around for 5 days, taking it to a mechanic, posting some questions in the car purchasing forum, checking this and that, and having my father look it over, I'm finally comfortable calling it mine.
Without further ado, pictures:
^Notice my craptacular former car (1994 Toyota Corolla) in the background.