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This is a discussion on Lonely Oakley within the New Member Hangout forums, part of the Community - Meet other Enthusiasts category; Good morning my continental friends.....................I am currently at work and not very happy If you are around today and would ...

  1. #1
    Registered User Oak1ey's Avatar
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    Lonely Oakley



    Good morning my continental friends.....................I am currently at work and not very happy

    If you are around today and would like to make me smile post me a joke

    If they are blue It doesnt matter

    If they are cheeky it doesnt matter
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  3. #2
    Registered User Oak1ey's Avatar
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    No ONE feeling even remotely funny today ??
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  4. #3
    Moderator   Sasquatch's Avatar
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    Take my wife ... please.
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  5. #4
    Registered User Oak1ey's Avatar
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    Thanks for the offer but I have one already!! By the way how much would shipping be.

    Canít believe there is only two of us on the site, think we should setup a thread ?? what do you think ??
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  6. #5
    Master Baiter EJ257's Avatar
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    A guy goes into a bank with a gun. He walks up to the teller, pulls out the gun, and says "fill this bag with money." The teller does as she's told for fear of her life.

    When she's finished, the robber turns around to the man behind him and says, "Did you see me rob the bank?"

    "Yes," the man replies. *BANG* The robber shoots him in the head.

    The robber turns to the next man in line, and says, "Did you see me rob the bank?"

    The man says, "I didn't see anything, but my wife over there (points to his wife) did ..."
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  7. #6
    Registered User Oak1ey's Avatar
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    Absolutley brilliant !! Wheres there a bank robber when you need one.

    This is my one

    Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was
    really pissed.

    She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the
    driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE !!"

    The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke
    up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box
    gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.

    Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought
    the box back in the house.

    She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.

    Bob has been missing since Friday.

    One for the missus ayy 
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    Master Baiter EJ257's Avatar
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    Michael walks into an ice cream parlor.

    The guy working behind the counter says "Hello, what can I do for you, sir?"

    Michael replies, "I'd like a dish of chocolate ice cream."

    The guy says, "I'm sorry, sir, but we're out of chocolate. We have vanilla, maple walnut, and strawberry."

    Michael ponders for a second, and says, "Alright, well, I'll have a cone of chocolate ice cream."

    The guy responds, "We're out of chocolate. We have vanilla, maple walnut, and strawberry."

    Michael says, "I'd like a gallon of chocolate ice cream."

    Frustrated that he's not getting his point across, the guy asks, "How do you spell the 'van' in vanilla?"

    "V-A-N," Michael replies

    "How do you spell the 'nut' in maple walnut?"

    "N-U-T"

    "How do you spell the '*****' in chocolate?"

    Michael thinks for a second, and says, "There is no '*****' in chocolate."

    The guy exclaims, "That's what I'm trying to tell you!!!"
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  9. #8
    Master Baiter EJ257's Avatar
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    Morris and his wife Esther went to the state fair every year, and every year Morris would say, "Esther, I'd like to ride in that helicopter."

    Esther always replied, "I know Morris, but that helicopter ride is fifty dollars, and fifty dollars is fifty dollars."

    One year Esther and Morris went to the fair, and Morris said, "Esther, I'm 85 years old. If I don't ride that helicopter, I might never get another chance."

    To this, Esther replied, "Morris that helicopter ride is fifty dollars, and fifty dollars is fifty dollars."

    The pilot overheard the couple and said, "Folks, I'll make you a deal. I'll take the both of you for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and not say a word, I won't charge you! But if you say one word, it's fifty dollars."

    Morris and Esther agreed and up they went. The pilot did all kinds of fancy maneuvers, but not a word was heard. He did his daredevil tricks over and over again, but still not a word.

    When they landed, the pilot turned to Morris and said, "By golly, I did everything I could to get you to yell out, but you didn't. I'm impressed!"

    Morris replied, "Well, to tell you the truth, I almost said something when Esther fell out, but you know, fifty dollars is fifty dollars!"
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  10. #9
    Registered User Oak1ey's Avatar
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    Classic
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  11. #10
    Registered User Oak1ey's Avatar
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    Magistrate: 'But if you saw the lady driving towards you, why didn't you give her half the road?'
    Motorist: 'I was going to, Your Honour, as soon as I could find out which half she wanted.'
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  12. #11
    Registered User cavallino333's Avatar
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    I got one.

    A mercedes engineer and an alfa romeo engineer are sitting in a bar. The Mercedes engineer says "we have a test to see how well our cars are built, we put a cat inside it and lock it over night. If the cat is dead in the morning we know the car is air tight and was built to our standards." The Alfa engineer says "we have a similar test we lock a cat in the car over night and if its still there in the morning we know the cars been built to our standards."

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    Quote Originally Posted by Integra96 View Post
    One day I hope to buy a car that is lubricated exclusively by pure manatee oil.

  13. #12
    Registered User Oak1ey's Avatar
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    JUst for you guys

    A completely inebriated man was stumbling down the street with one foot on the curb and one foot in the gutter. A cop pulled up and said, "I've got to take you in, pal. You're obviously drunk."

    Our wasted friend asked, "Officer, are ya absolutely sure I'm drunk?"

    "Yeah, buddy, I'm sure," said the copper. "Let's go."

    Breathing a sigh of relief, the wino said, "Thank goodness, I thought I was crippled."
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  14. #13
    Registered User Oak1ey's Avatar
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    I am off now but more jokes tomorrow !!

    Laterz

    Oaks
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