Well took it to the dealer, turns out the center differential is bad. I forget the exact numbers but $800ish for the part, $700 for labor. FML. Luckily I have some 3rd party warranty, but they're making me take it to AAMCO to get it taken apart to figure out what's wrong with it, than maybe they'll pay to fix it. Nightmare.
I seldom pushed the car, never took it to the track, never launched it...I guess all that about glass trannies is kinda true, or I just got unlucky.