funny racing story
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  1. #1
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    funny racing story

    Hey I didn't write this, but i found it somewhere online a while ago, its quite hilarious, just thought i'd share. I don't know if you guys have seen it before so tell me if you have.




    I borrowed my wife's Geo Metro last night--one liter of raw power, three cylinders of asphalt-tearing terror on 13-inch rims. It's stock, all right, nothing done to it, but it pushes the barely 2,000 pounds of Metro around with AUTHORITY. I'm always catching mopeds and 18-wheelers by surprise.
    I was headed back from Baskin Robbins with my manly triple-latte cappuccino blast ("No cinnamon, ma'am; I take it BLACK"), when I stopped at a streetlight. As the Metro throbbed its throaty idle around me, I sipped my bold beverage and wiped the white froth my stiff upper lip. I was minding my own business, but then I heard a rev from the next lane.
    I turned, made eye contact, then let my eyes trace over the competition. Ford Festiva--a late model, could be trouble. Low-profile tires, curb feelers and school-bus-yellow paint. Yep, a hot rod for sure.
    The howl of his motor snapped my reverie, and I looked back into the driver's eyes, nodded, then blipped my own throttle. As I tugged on my driving gloves and slipped on my sunglasses (gotta look cool to be fast, and I am *damn* cool, hence...), the night was split by the sound of seven screaming cylinders...
    Then the light turned. I almost had him out of the hole, my three pounding cylinders thrusting me at least a millimeter back into my seat, as smoke poured from my front right tire... my unlimited slip differential was letting me down! I saw in the corner of my eye a yellow snout gaining, and I heard the roar of his four cylinders. He slung by me, right front wheel juddering against the pavement, and he flashed me a smile as his .7 extra liter of motor stretched its legs. I kept my foot gamely in it, though, waiting for the CHECK ENGINE light to blink on in the one-gauge (no tachometer here!) instrument panel. I saw a glimpse of chrome under his bumper, and knew the ugly truth...
    He was running a custom exhaust--probably a two-into-one dual exhaust...maybe even cutouts! Damn his hot-rod soul! The old lady passing us on the crosswalk cast a dirty look in our boy-racer direction...
    Yet still I persisted, with my three pumping pistons singing a heady high-pitched song, wound fully out. Though only a few seconds had passed, we were nearing the crosswalk at the other side of the intersection. I heard the note of his engine change as he made his shift to second, and I saw his grin in his rearview mirror fade as he missed the shift! I rocketed by, shifting, and nursed the clutch gently in to keep from bogging, keeping my motor spinning hot and pulling me ahead, now trailing a cloud of stinking clutch smoke. Not ready to give up so easily, he left his foot in it, revving, and I heard one wheel *almost* chirp as he finally found second and dropped the clutch. We careened over the crosswalk, now going at least 15 miles per hour. A bicyclist passed us, but, intent on the race as we were, neither of us batted an eye.
    He pulled slowly abreast of me, and neck and neck we made the shift to third, the scream of motors deafening all pedestrians within a five-foot circle. He nosed ahead as we passed 30 miles an hour, then eased in front of me, taunting, as we shifted into fourth. I was staring up the dual 6" chrome tips of his exhaust, snarling, my cappuccino forgotten, as he lifted a little to take the next corner.
    I saw my opportunity, and counting on the innate agility of my trusty steed, I pulled wide into the number two lane and kept my foot buried in carpet. Slowly I inched around him, feeling my Metro roll slowly to the left as I came abreast in the midst of this gradual sweeping turn. I felt the Geo ease onto its suspension stops, and felt the right rear wheel slowly leave the ground--no matter, though, because my drive wheels, up front, were pulling me through the corner and around the Festiva...
    The Ford driver beat his wheel in rage as my wife's car eased past him on the outside, my P165/54R13s screaming in protest, as we raced to the next light. We coasted down, neck and neck, to the red light. I tightened my driving gloves, ready for another round, when this WIMP in the next car meekly flipped his turn signal and made a right. Chevy (Suzuki) superiority reigns!!!
    I drove off sipping my masculine drink, awash in my sheer virility, looking for other unwitting targets...perhaps a Yugo, or maybe even a VW Vanagon!
    03 nissan sentra se-R specV

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    Registered User XtianLA's Avatar
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    haha, that was pretty good, lol.

  4. #3
    WRX
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    I'm confused. Was this for real, or was some guy just writing a silly story?

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    Moderator Integra96's Avatar
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    Unlimited slip differential...haha! I think that was a dealer option on my car.

    At least that's what my 16 second ETs indicate.
    "Did you sleep well?"
    "No, I made a couple of mistakes."
    -- Steven Wright

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    Metro Power

    I thought Metros had 10" rims. I had to drive my dad's geo metro carpool car around when we were building my 67' VW. I'm telling you, this thing had all kinds of nuts in first gear.

  7. #6
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    Originally posted by WRX
    I'm confused. Was this for real, or was some guy just writing a silly story?
    I think he wrote a silly story, because actually the original subject was something along the lines of "who says you need a bmw z3 to race" or something like that, although a z3 isn't that fast....
    03 nissan sentra se-R specV

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